Now here's a cheerful subject! Funerals. Many people really don't like to think about death and all it entails for those left behind. Actually, many people just don't like to think about death full stop.

As a funeral planner (like a wedding planner but on shorter timescales and with a less joyful outcome) my main purpose is to minimise the stress of the bereaved. Think about what happens when someone near and dear to you dies. You have to set about organising everything at a time when you are least capable or enthusiastic.

Often you won't have any experience of what to do or whom to talk to. It can be very confusing. On the other hand, getting involved can help to take your mind off things. Potentially, though, this may just be postponing the all-important grieving process.

Stress reactions show themselves in different ways for different people. Some will break down completely, some will carry on as if nothing has happened and some will really deal with it well.

The characteristic process has an acronym - SARA. This stands for Shock, Anger, Rejection, Acceptance.

When you think about this it applies to just about all bad news. The shock of receiving the news can last for a very brief time or may take a while to get over. It's followed by anger - you might be able to think of times this has happened to you. Then rejection of the facts - "that just can't be true!". I remember my own reaction when Princess Diana died - I thought the news couldn't possibly be right. Finally comes acceptance. It may be a some time coming or can arrive quickly - it all depends on the individual.

So, what's the best thing to do? Experience suggests that people need time with family and friends for the support, but also need time alone to say goodbye properly. If you know a person who has just lost someone, ask them what they need, watch their reactions and listen carefully to what they say. You'll get the right message and then you can help.

For more information, please have a look at www.life-celebration.co.uk. Thank you.


Simon Donnelly

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