British Transport Police investigate gruesome murder

Ever wanted to know the full details of an audit recently carried out on one of your competitors in the Crawley area - Its easy take the train - and listen to the person carrying out said audit - which I assume was confidential - broadcast the entire results to a full train load of passengers by shouting into his mobile - this time on the Three Bridges to Victoria service last week (incidentally the company failed the audit). How many times do I have to hear about deals being closed, holidays planned, lovers trists being arranged (ok I made that one up) - judging by recent experience lots. Now I know some people want everyone else to know the ins and outs of a cats backside ref their personal business - but personally I could not give a rats arse. Take the guy talking to his mate on the phone so loudly the other day that everyone - and I mean everyone on the train - heard everything! From the details of his sex life including his rapid fire technique to the next date he had planned. If the results of the last were everything to go by he should not hold out his hopes too high. Now psychologists know this phenomena well - if the line is a little unclear or the other person on the phone has just been declared brain dead as a result of listening to a load of crap - then the person shouts ever louder. We talk louder the worse the perceived signal/reception is. The English man on holiday syndrome I call it when the bloody natives can't follow your drift you need to talk louder and more slowly to get home your point into the dim witted foreigners head. YES BRIAN I AM ON THE TRAIN WE'RE NEARLY AT THE STATION NOW - yes all 200 of us know and are plotting to push you out on the tracks if you don't shut up. We don't want to know, get a life, we are not interested … (neither am I so that’s enough rant ed.)