Emergency sigmoidoscopy performed at East Croydon (Latest)

Wednesday PM on the way back via Charing Cross via London Bridge we did (my fellow commuters and I) our daily game of hunt the correct train. Having been told where the next train to London Bridge was to be found we piled onto to the train at platform 2 to listen to the informative little man on the train announcement system tell us the next stop was Deptford and would not stop at LB. 100 passengers rush out of the doors - that then close behind us ready to leave. The next mo another announcement - yes you've got it - the train actually does stop at LB but the doors were now locked and the train bombed out of the station (well that’s one way to solve overcrowding ed.). We rushed round to the next outgoing train as a man/woman - we are getting quite good at this - jinking and swerving around the oncoming crowds to jump breathlessly onto the train. Come to think of it we could get the English team at the world cup to get round the opposition like this they would squish the All Blacks (dream on mate). Two hops later I arrive at London Bridge to see my connecting Train leaving without me (again).

Thursday also PM journey back. Having finished a little early I swanned into Victoria in good time to catch the 1732 Victoria to East Grinstead. Called first for platform 15 where I was standing around on the platform like an idiot (or an idiot standing around ed.) when the announcement boys told us of a platform alteration and the said train will now depart from platform 12 … rushed around to platform 12 just in time for the doors to close and the train depart … back to platform 19 jumped on next train to East Croydon leaving at 1740 which should arrive at East Croydon ten minutes ahead of the London Bridge to East Grinstead service. 1741, 1742… 1750 the train actually departs and crawls to East Croydon and was waiting just outside the station when I glanced to my left to see the East Grinstead service just pulling in to platform 6. Off train at platform miles away and ran (with my fellow commuters) through the tunnel to platform 6 and got to the door JUST as it was locked down for departure.

Oh you have just missed it sir said … (I have deleted the rest of this blog due to the profane nature of some of the dialogue that immediately followed the above exchange. However I am pleased to inform BizFace readers that the station porter is expected to make a full recovery from his minor surgery and sigmoidoscopy that was necessary to remove a copy of the Southern Train Timetable (autumn) that found its way into his rectum ed.)